You're on my list

i have a list
of things i
like about
you

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty

null hypothesis

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

i know not from when i got sick of being a normal schoolgirl; when i became increasingly unsatisfied with remaining status quo; when i stopped believing that the student's only obligation is to excel in his studies. instead, i believed i was meant for more; i wasn't sure what, just the privilege to partake in bigger things that others my age don't get a chance to. was it when i stepped into scgs and discovered a whole new sphere, that is in total contrast with the world i knew so well? or was it when i dorned the red silk uniform of my first part-time job? or did it happen earlier, when i first assumed independence over myself while my mother was hospitalised? or have i always held this belief, but have only been able to comprehend it at a much later age?

whatever the cause, it's unmistakeable that i started shouldering more responsibilities. i took pride in earning my own keep, and derived gratification from being able to juggle numerous commitments, whether academic-wise, numerous leisure activities, new interests as well as spending time and being a joy to my family and friends, not forgetting granting myself some personal space from time to time. looking back, i was surprised at how much i matured over these years. it wasn't long before i convinced myself that i've indeed grown up; that i've achieved a lot more than most of my peers and am living a full life like a fledged young adult.

however strongly i held my belief, all of which shattered when my world came crashing down on me. my so-called perfect life; all was naught. the distress, which accompanies the realisation that i'm not that much in control of my life as i believed i was, only served to aggravate my despair. despondency was definitely an understatement of my plight.

fortunately enough, i still have you guys. ((: bee and her entertaining account on new huangcheng plots; wan chu and her blur ways; van and all her uplifting encouragement. you guys were such dears. all that frolicking and romping about after school today really did brighten up my day, and made me realise that i could actually feel very much satisfied just being a normal schoolgirl. 踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费工夫. all that fulfillment that i've been looking for was actually so easily achieved.

i guess the worst thing that can happen, is not to discover that one has entered the wrong expressway, but to find out and lack the will to make an exit and re-embark a new one. "taking things in my own stride" has largely been re-defined now.

sorry i ruined all our mugging plans today. i love you guys <3

this song is REALLY CUTE.
想不通世上蔬菜千千万种
偏偏我怎么却爱上洋葱
伤口在咚咚咚敲不醒的梦
偏偏爱上洋葱

---
never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. - stowe

xinying ploughed through her empty list at 10:30 pm

Tried to take a picture; Of love
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty

Profile

xinying; cxy; yvette; just the crazy girl
17
~~marymount~~
~~scgs~~
hwa chong
09s7j
still CHESSnut
obsessed about singing
care for a card game?
and i do emo

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If I told you; that you are all I ever wanted;
Would you smile; and say "I told you so"?

Shoutmix

I think they call it freedom of speech

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard; Maybe we're torn apart

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my links were so outdated i deleted all of them and redid this from scratch. so don't worry if it's not here. just get it across to me somehow and i'll link you. <33
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