You're on my list

i have a list
of things i
like about
you

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty

it's like re-living the c1 year from a different perspective

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

year after year, as i review what i've been through for the past 12 months, it seems inevitable to relevate at how much one has grown. maybe we learn by experience. maybe we just need to learn the hard way. or maybe we never learned, but the word "experienced" just bestows us with a delusional sense of wisdom. whatever the case, it has helped to mould and shape us into what we are today. cynical or jaded (word borrowed from matthew), we're often hardened by what we've been through.

the year's barely kicked off. still, "lost" isn't a word i'd really like to use. but it's by far the most appropriate i can come up with in my current state of mind.

i try so hard to fight this sense of helplessness. but it keeps coming back to haunt me. during the course of c1, i've learnt to let go off so many things: friends that we just cannot find a common topic with (though we've been so close before, it's hard to take in how we've drifted apart so quickly and so easily), freedom that i've craved for as a kid, feelings that i find hard to grapple with, etc. the list goes on. but it never seems to be enough. the hand of god keeps nudging me, to let loose, to let go of more things.

it tears me. it tears me apart to even think of choosing between my so treasured relationships.

family, bf, my beloved friends.

i love them all, and i'm not choosing between them. please don't force me to.

xinying ploughed through her empty list at 10:46 pm

Tried to take a picture; Of love
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty

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xinying; cxy; yvette; just the crazy girl
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